So, I went home
It was not the place where I was born and grow up. Neither my grandmother´s house where I spent almost all my childhood, running in the garden and playing that I´m Lara Croft on her adventure. Not even a flat where I lived until my 18 with my mother and new members of my still growing family. And also not my first private accommodation where I lived during study at university as in an episode of American sitcom.
I went into the Breisås Forest for autumn walk.
People around us
I went through some epiphanies in last days. They were not completely new for me, I saw them long before. Just, I kind of forgot to use them in the fast flowing style of my last month´s life. For an example, I realized that in the last month I was too judgmental about my friends, or even better said – people around me. Because I was too closed against people, that I did not let myself to consider anyone as my friend. Do not get me wrong, I have fiends, with whom I have such a deep, special connection. They are there always and it does not matter for how long we lose contact; connection will stay forever. I am not talking about them, but when you are travelling, backpacking, or just simply said – when you are alive. While staying at some place you are surrounded by people, which you did not chose consciously. Life is process of constant learning. As a meetings too.
You can gain maximum from each moment to learn something about yourself
It is extremely interesting and instructive for me, to observe what kind of people I attracted to my life and what can I learn from it. In the moment, they were totally different than me. Seeing and feeling life from the other place of a circle. So obviously, it had some influence on me. But, let myself to feel comfortable in their company does not mean that I am one of them. Actually, there is no them.
Each person is totally different and at the same time, totally same. All one, we are.
Each one person walking in the magical place called Earth, has his own whole Universe in his head. And even if it looks from outside like one big mess, it´s all connected in the most beautiful way how it is possible to be.
People can touch you, just when you let them. It is same with punches.
I was walking in the autumn Forest above Breisås and flying on the wave of amazing feeling. I felt like I am safe an loved cause I have a special relationship with that Forest. Last time, when I wanted to walk in it, the Forest did not let me. He closed gates which I could not pass and it was a clear reasonable message ´go and come when you are ready and not scared to come´. This time the Forest let me. And I was amazed by a beautiful scenario which I saw. Imagine, a Pine Forest with few Birches and independent Spruce´s part. So when you are surrounded by Pine trees you can see long distance lined with mosses and blueberries.
I was walking and enjoying each piece of an appearance played around me, to find a place where I will rest. I found it on the small heap of mosses.
Listen to yourself
I realized by walking to this place, that of course it can make me feel comfortable when something gives me my personal feeling of the right place and time, by some ¨coincidences¨.I mean those kinds of moments when you are walking on an important interview for a new job, and coincidentally there is your favorite song playing on the street. Or other small things what I feel as a reassurance that I´m on my way with a supportive wind in my back . But not to forget the presence of something in my heart what I should listen to. Just I am the one who knows what I want to do. Nothing else is important.
Self-awareness does not mean that you are always just in positive situations or always happy. There are hard times, there are moments when you have to reach for the last hidden piece of your power and live through difficult moments. But you cannot give up. You can not let those moments to eat you alive. There is still someone in here who can work, who can think and choose what to do right now, and what is the next step.
And forget about old agreements
You know where you want to go, what is your mission, why you are exactly in the position in which you are right now. You consider, that you know what can be the best decision for your life which can take you where you want to go. But you don´t have to know everything, you do not have to expect each pothole on the road. Just do not lose a sight from your direction and enjoy the road.
Life is process
You are here all the time, you are the one who is deciding. It depends just on you, which direction to go, but when you choose a direction, you should be prepare to get some punches from passers. Be prepared that life is not stable, it is a changing, rotary process. It is pointless to keep all your old agreements, because some of them already lost their meaning. If you are too tided with your old agreements, it is pure disrespecting of your own knowledge and experience. All of us love would like to say, that every situation which crossed our life tough us a valuable lesson which shaped our thinking. But in a fact, often driving through life with a settled mindset which comes first when decisions need to be made. Often deciding about our life according to ideas created long time ago, even if our whole bodies and the world is screaming at us that this is not a way. We truly need to live every day consciously with fully awaken reactions.
Just imagine, that you are a kid, growing up and learning from older kids how it is appropriate to behave. If around you everyone is screaming at each other, you can decide by yourself if you will consider this as normal for you. Or you will open yourself towards a different life situations. You can learn a lesson from all people who you meet on the road . Having own sets of agreements and rules is great thing. They guided us here, where we are. But it is worth, since time to time to take a closer look at them.
Enjoy the moment, and the moment will enjoy you
I sat there on the moss and leaned to a Pine tree while listening music and enjoying beautiful view to the forest, relaxing. It felt so ´homely´ and I missed this feeling nearby sea that time. Just because, I spent a lot of time during summer by wandering in the Forest. We got to know each other. It is understanding beyond reality. Time to get to know island and walk on the coast.
After a while of enjoying a dance of Trees and an energy passing through my hand on the mosses I closed my eyes to meditate. I had a great time, full of understanding and acceptation. When I opened my eyes, very-very slowly to let light penetrated gradually, I saw him.
I love to open eyes at beautiful places after a meditation. It is powerful when the first thing what I see after a total relax of my mind, is something so stunning. It brings a feeling to my heart of a total happiness. It is like waking up on the beach or in a beautiful small cutie cabin hidden in the forest. It is a real feeling of life for me. Those moments are part of my choice why I live as I do.
Meeting in the forest
So I raised up my eyes to scoop up as much as I could and there it was. A moose basking in the autumn sun.
Big beautiful moose not more than 15 meters nearby me. I was amazed, I was shocked, I was excited. But soon I started to feel a little scared.I realized that I sat in quite without moving for long time and the moose probably did not know about me. Part of me was screaming, that I am alone in a forest in the middle of October, the season for moose´s rut.
After a while I slowly and loudly on a purpose walked away. Within few meters I changed mind, I turned around and went back, brave enough to fight my fear. But it is worth to mention, if I experienced the same situation a year ago, I would probably run away from that place, crying and screaming in a total panic (for sure). (Aslo I cannot imagine that I would go to forest alone, I was too scared of everything.) I tried to find him again, but he was gone. That turn brought me to a different part of the forest where I did not plan to go.
I was walking through Spruce´s part satisfied about the moment, that Forest let me walked into it again and gave me this amazing experience. But little sad that maybe that was a mistake and disrespect from myself against Forest that I felt so scared and run away on the beginning.
Fear is the worst
It was not just for a matter of an experience with the moose. It was a perfect materialized example of my last month behavior. Fear, is the worst. When I realized that I has made a change right now, by walking in this “dangerous place”. Immediately I started to be proud at myself, that I have enough courage to get lost in a Forest again. This is it. This is my life and I decided that I will not be scared. After a while of walking and enjoying autumn’s spruces on the way back home I found steps in the mud.
I am the one who is deciding about my life. I was accepted, I found answers which I needed. I´m happy in my life, because I know who is the one who is important.
There is something ´this´ inside of ourselves what is talking. It is talking to us in each minute of our life, it is helping us, guiding us, showing us what is going on. Call it soul, call it heart, call it you, but you can not deny it. Just sometimes, there is too many voices in our head and it is too difficult to recognize the right one. To see who is the real us. And what that person really want to do. In those times, it is important not to loose contact with yourself. The best way how to find flow in my life again is to get in touch with nature.
Do what you want to do. Do that, what you could not not to do.