Hi Anička, I need to tell you a story about one amazing meeting from October 2016, I hope that you will enjoy it.
So, I went home
It wasn´t the place where I was born and grow up. Neither my grandmother´s house where I spent almost all my childhood, running in a garden and playing that I´m Lara Croft on her adventure. Not even a flat where I lived until my 18 with my mother and new members of my still growing family. And also not my first private accommodation where I lived during study at university as in episode of American sitcom.
I went into the Breisås Forest for autumn walk.
People around us
I recognized in last days some contrivances. It wasn´t novelty for me, I had known about it long before, just I kind of forgot to use it, in the fast flowing style of my last month´s life. For example, I realized that in last month I was too judgmental about my friends, or even better said – people around me. Because I was too closed against them, that I didn´t let myself to consider them as my friends. Don´t get me wrong, I have my special friends, which are the most important for me. They are there always and it doesn´t matter for how long we lose contact; connection will stay forever. I´m not talking about them, but when you are travelling, backpacking, or just simply said – living; during staying at some place you are surrounded by people, which you didn´t chose on purpose. It is process of constant learning.
You can gain maximum from each moment to learn something about yourself
It is extremely interesting and instructive for me, to observe what kind of people I attracted to my life and what can I learn from it. In true, they are currently totally different than me. They see and feel life from the other side of a circle, so obviously, it has had some attach at me. But, let myself to feel comfortable in their company doesn´t mean that I´m one of them. Actually, there is no them.
Each person is totally different and at the same time, totally same.
Each one person walking on the magical place called Earth, has his own whole Universe in his head. And even if it looks from outside like one big mess, it´s all connected in the most beautiful way how it is possible to be.
People can touch you, just when you let them. It is same with punches.
I was walking in the autumn Forest above Breisås and I was flying on the wave of amazing feeling. I felt like I´m safe and I´m loved, because, dear Anička, I have special relationship with that Forest. Last time, when I wanted to walk in it, Forest didn´t let me. He closed gates which I couldn´t pass and it was clear reasonable message ´go and come when you are ready and not scared to come´. This time Forest let me. And I was amazed by a beautiful scenario which I saw. Imagine, the Pine Forest with few Birches and independent Spruce´s part, so when you are surrounded by Pine trees you can see long distance lined with mosses and blueberries.
I was walking and enjoying each piece of an appearance played around me, to find place where I will rest. I found it on the small heap of mosses.
I realized by walking to this place, that yes of course, it can make me feel comfortable when I see something what give me my personal feeling of the right place and time, by some ¨coincidences¨ (I mean those kinds of moments when you are walking for example on an important interview for a new job, and coincidentally there is your favorite song playing on the street, or other small things what I call reassurance that I´m on my way with supportive wind in my back ). But in decisions about my life, I can´t look for signs on streets. There is something in my heart what I should listen to, just I´m the one who knows what I want to do. Nothing else is important.
Self-awareness doesn´t mean that you are always just in positive situations or always happy. There are hard times, there are moments when you have to reach to the last hidden piece of your power, and live those difficult moments, but you can´t give up. You can´t let those moments to eat you alive. There is still this someone in here who can work, who can think and choose what to do right now, and what will be the next step.
And forget about old agreements
Yes of course, you know where you want to go, what is your life purpose, why you are exactly in the position in which you are right now. You consider, that you know what can be the best decision for your life which can take you where you want to go. (If you don´t know that, then you should do your best to find it out, but I will help you with that next time). But you don´t have to know everything, you don´t have to expect each pothole on the road, just don´t lose sight from your purpose and enjoy the road.
Life is process
You are here all the time, you are the one who is deciding, it is just on you, which direction to go, but when you choose direction, you should be prepare to get some punches from passers. Be prepared that life isn´t stable, it is changing and rotary process. It is pointless to keep all your old agreements, because some of them already lost their meaning. If you are too tided with your old agreements, it is pure disrespecting of your own knowledge and experience. We all love to say –I love getting new knowledge, I´m learning each day from each situation – but in fact, deciding about our life according to created ideas from long time ago, even if whole our bodies and world is screaming at us that this isn´t a way…
In Unicorn´s words
Just imagine, that you are small baby unicorn, growing up and learning from older unicorns how it is appropriate to behave. If around you is everyone screaming at each other and you don´t have enough space for self-realization, you can decide by yourself if you will consider this as normal for you, natural, or you will open yourself against new life situations, unexpected unicorns which you will meet on the road and learn a lesson. Having own sets of agreements and rules is great thing. They guided us here, where we are, but it is worth, if since time to time we do some order in it.
Enjoy the moment, and moment will enjoy you
I sat there on mosses and rolled a cigarette. I was sitting and leaned to one Pine tree, I was listening music, smoking, and enjoying beautiful view to forest, you know – relaxing. It felt so ´homely´ there and comparing to that I missed this feeling nearby sea that time. But I understand this difference, since I spent a lot of time during summer just wandering in Forest. (I call it ´getting to know each other´, for me it is absolute realization and acceptation of place where I am, it is understanding above reality. I should spend more time on the island or walking by coast- point to my notes).
After a while of enjoying dance of Trees in front of me and energy passing through my hand on the mosses I started to meditate. I had great time, full of understanding and acceptation, and then, when I opened my eyes and let light permeate in very-very slowly, I saw him.
I love opening eyes in beautiful places after while of meditating, it is powerful for me because when the first thing what I see after total relax of my mind, is something so stunning, there is this feeling in my heart of total happiness. It is like waking up on the beach or in beautiful small cutie cabin hidden in the forest. It is real feeling of life for me. Those moments are part of my choice why I´m living my way of traveler.
Meeting in the forest
So I raised up my eyes to scoop up as much as I could and there was it. Shape of moose basks in the autumn sun.
Big beautiful moose around 15 meters nearby me. I was amazed, I was shocked, I was excited. But soon I started to feel little scared as I realized that I sat in quite without moving for long time and moose probably didn´t know about me. Part of me was screaming, that I´m there alone in forest in the middle of October, what is the time of moose´s rut.
After-while I slowly and loudly on a purpose walked away. Within few meters I changed mind, I turn around and went back, brave enough to fight my fear. But dear Anička, it is worth to mention, if I experienced the same situation year ago, I would probably run away from that place crying and screaming in total panic (for sure). (And also I can´t imagine that I would go to forest alone, I was too scared of everything.) I tried to find him again, but he was gone. That turn brought me to different part of area which I didn´t plan to go.
I was walking through Spruce´s part satisfied about moment, that Forest let me went into it again and gave me this amazing experience. But little sad that maybe that was a mistake and disrespect from myself against Forest that I felt so scared and run away on the beginning.
Fear is the worst
It wasn´t just for the matter of an experience with moose in forest, it was a perfect materialize example of my last month behavior. Fear, Anička, is the worst. When I realized that I has made a change right now, by walking in this “dangerous place” I started to be proud at myself immediately, that I have enough courage to get lost in Forest again. This is it. This is my life and I´m decided that I won´t be scared. After a while of walking and enjoying autumn inclose spruces in direction back home I found steps in the mud.
I´m the one who is deciding about my life. I was accepted, I found answers which I needed. I´m happy in my life, because I know who is the one who is important.
There is something ´this´ inside of ourselves what is talking. It is talking to us in each minute of our life, it is helping us, guiding us, showing us what is going on. (I call this “it” Soul, but everyone has own name for it.) Just sometimes, there is too many voices in our head and it is too difficult to recognize the right one. To see who is the real us. And what that person really want to do. In those times, it is important to not loose contact with yourself. For me the best way how to find flow in my life again, by walking in forests, on the coast, or sitting in a big library and working on myself.
Do what you want to do. Do that, what you couldn´t not to do.